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Say What?
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Say What?
by Margaret A. Shepard, CET

I collect examples of the written equivalent of train-wrecks from the internet, append my immediate thought and send them off to like-minded friends.
Here are the more noteworthy:

From a man, responding to someone who answered his pleas for advice about how to quit abusing his wife: “Also very inciteful. Thank you.”
You’re not helping.

The pair visited a London hospital, where they met with Johnny Benjamin, a suicide survivor, and Neil Laybourn, the man who saved him.
Suicide is survivable?

Cook is described as a 6-foot, 160-pound white male with blue eyes, gray facial hair and gray, balding hair.
So…about half my hair is balding…

There were several passengers in the Ford, including a juvenile who had a gun down the front of his pants, which police learned had been reported stolen from Puyallup.
I’ve been to the city of Puyallup many times. I was not aware it owned pants.

Captive Female Snake in Missouri Performs 2nd ‘Virgin Birth’ in As Many Years.
Birth is a performance? Am I the only one who missed out on raising funds by selling tickets to her “blessed event”?

Haggen-Albertsons-Safeway fiasco hurts real people.
As long as my imaginary friends are okay…

The pilot was thrown clear of the cockpit in his seat after the impact.
Just trying to visualize someone with a cockpit in his seat…

A one-car rollover crash…ejected the driver from the vehicle, throwing the person … and killing them.
Them? Who? He, himself and him?

Kabaeva is widely believed to be President Vladimir Putin's secret lover.
Some secret…

She kicked and screamed as they horsed her into a patrol car.
Neigh, neigh.

Advert for a house outside Temple, Texas, “overlooking a Coy pond.”
Perfect. There's nothing worse than a brazen pond.

Teenager Thor Wilink was another witness at the scene who rushed from his home located across the street to help bringing ropes and lapel gear.
This sentence is why Advil exists.

Brief overnight standoff in Mountlake Terrace overnight.

But…when did it happen?

And finally, fill in your own response:
…fully fenced w/ white venal fencing,

Margaret Shepard is vertically challenged, horizontally endowed, and slowly rusting away in her native Pacific Northwest. A retired nurse and former pipe band drummer, she has a passion for sewing, power tools, canning, and reading. In addition, Margaret is an AAERT certified digital transcriber.  



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